Questions

I’ve had several questions arise regarding day-to-day tasks recently and thought I’d post them.

1.  Why is it that whenever you use a toilet and it clogs, it is always invariably at someone else’s house?  And there is never a plunger?  This is a conspiracy.

2.  Why is it that whenever you are doing something that if seen out-of-context could be deemed extremely embarrassing, that is the moment another person walks in?  They never walk in when you’re brushing your teeth or watching TV.  It’s that one moment where you were dancing  to your favorite song by yourself that they enter.

3.  Why do photos of you doing any activity and not posing always make you look like you have a double chin, even if you don’t have one?

4. Why does the internet always go out for the entire day before you have to turn in a huge project and/or paper?

5.  Why is it that even if you cut your nails to make them even and let them grow out, they never grow out the same length?

6.  Why is it that I am always out of paper towels and toilet paper, even though I just bought some like two days ago?

7.  Why did they decide to make cantaloupe and honeydew the lettuce equivalent in the fruit salad?

8.  Why do people always choose to jaywalk in front of a car moving at a high speed?  Wait for the car to pass.  You’re not going anywhere important enough that you need to risk your life.

9.  Why have a chain-link fence with barbed wire surround a parking lot when you can just reach through the hole in the fence and open the door from the inside?  What’s the point?

10.  Why do people always invite me over to eat their food, then have me cook the food once I get there?  Isn’t it my food, then?  I can do that at home.

11.  Why do people buy a house that’s a hefty distance and chunk of time away from their place of permanent employment?

12.  Why do some girls put on cake makeup every day after we’ve seen what they look like without it?  I didn’t suddenly forget.  Why pretend?  You’re not fooling anyone.  Some makeup is totally fine, but if you need Drain-O to take it off, it’s too much.

13. Why do I still bother wearing heels?  You know how tall I am without them.  They definitely don’t make dancing easier.  I have yet to answer this question.

14.  Why do people Facebook message you a question and then immediately log off?  Why bother?

15.  What was the functionality of kilts for men?

Curves

I am more than my curves.

I am more than the dramatic boulders and the gently rolling hills of my body.

My imperfect, beautiful, God-given body.

I am more than the sum of my parts.  I am the sum of a whole.  I am a spirit with a body.  Not the other way around.

You are defined by the common.  What makes sense.  What doesn’t.

Why doesn’t her face match her body?  Why isn’t she thin like she should be?  A wisp of air on a meandering breeze?

Never insistent, never thinking, just floating, like a glowing jellyfish.  Silent.  Strange. Pretty.

The way you want me.  That’s the root of it.

“Why are you not the way I think you should be?” you think to yourself.

“Why don’t you listen to what other people think of you?  I do.  Why don’t you change?”

Because I don’t need to.  I am fine with who I am.

You don’t understand this.  You try to excuse it to excuse your own insecurity.

“She has breasts, she has curves–no one would let themselves look like that naturally.  I’d spend every day at the  gym, even if it killed me.  I must have that lithe body, those jutting hip bones.  Why doesn’t she care?  Why doesn’t she make sense?”

I am a woman.  Born with curves, blessed with breasts, a creature of immaculate beauty and  power, gifted with vulnerability and love, imperfect in practice but perfect in theory.

I will not feel bad because I don’t make sense to you.  Because you don’t make sense to me.